I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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