She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
