Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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