we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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