I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
