I cannot find my penis.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
