The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
