Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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