As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
