Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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