Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
