just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think your dad took our porno
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
