At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
