That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
