Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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