FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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