You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
