i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
