what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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