Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
