Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
