eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
