The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
