Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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