arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
