Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize