i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
