Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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