drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
