You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
