well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
