I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
