I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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