I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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