Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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