It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
