the condom got lost in my hair
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
