My liver just broke up with me...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
