He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize