just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
