You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize