He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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