I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
