My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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