Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
