Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
