Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
