If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
