based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone shattered a urinal.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
