she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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