shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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