I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
