Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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