I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
