benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
