Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
