All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
