I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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