Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
