why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
